Mirror Grey
by risokura
Summary: This all started the day after No. XIII went away.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Kingdom Hearts.

**A/N: **Request for _**Razer Athane**_. Written to _Eat Yr Heart _by HTRK.

**Mirror Grey**

This all started the day after No. XIII went away.

Being a Nobody, you don't really have a sense of reality to begin with. You're not even supposed to exist. How the hell can something with no basis for existence understand what reality is, anyway? You make up these things in your head so you can try and cope. Can we even call it coping? That would make us human, wouldn't it? But, I'm not. I don't have a fucking heart; I don't have a fucking soul. Do I even have a fucking conscience?

I started seeing things. Little glimpses of things out of the corner of my eye. I questioned if my mind was trying to torment me. Imaginary blonde hair peeking out from behind sharp corners. The scrape of metal upon metal, heavy heaving and the rustic smell of blood. I heard screaming, voices shouting out in pain. A darkness clutched at the hole in my chest, choking me for whatever breath I had in my lungs. When I closed my eyes, I thought I could see blue. A warm, soothing blue light that wavered and waned.

Reality doesn't make sense to be me anymore. It never made sense to me to begin with. I see things I'm not supposed to, contemplate these things I'm not supposed. My mind is warped, taking me to places that are nonexistent within this world, yet exist on some other level. I feel as though I am bound by chains, tightening, being pulled into my skin. Slashing, cutting through my internal being until it slowly pulls itself into the place where my heart should be. Constricting, tightening, and choking me until I can't breathe. I shouldn't feel—can I feel? I can't feel. I shouldn't be experiencing something like this.

Blue hair. Yellow eyes of fury. … The second in charge. No. VII seems to pick up on my lack of focus these days and tells me to get my shit together. Not that simple when I don't know what's wrong with me to begin with. They've all turned to me—or is it on me? My main assignment these days is to go after R—s and bring him back at whatever costs. I can hear the acidic roll of No. VII's tongue against my back: _after all, he was your best friend._

I head for Twilight Town on the same day. Find Blue Eyes. No, go see No. XIII. Go to the tower. Where is R—s? There … there. Yellow. Blue. Yellow skies, blue eyes. Yellow fear … blue … the blue is right here. Thirteen. In the middle of the struggle. Freeze. Right there. I feel as though I'm watching myself from the outside. So close, so close. I almost have him, he almost remembers. Things make sense when I stare at him again. I can remember … those memories aren't muddled and fragmented anymore.

Lost, again. Reprimanded by the superior. Threatened with extermination, so I go again.

When I sleep, I dream of clocks at. The clock on the tower. That's where I always am. The numbers of the clock. They all represent one number, spinning wildly. **XIII**_**. **_I pace the halls of the castle. Endlessly, relentlessly, hopelessly. All I can remember and focus on is that one number. **_XIII. XIII. XIII. XIII. XIII. XIII. XIII. XIII._**

I am _losing _my mind.

Yellow, yellow skies. Yellow eyes. Yellow skin. Colors, colors, yellow, yellow. Thirteen. Blue. The color … the ice cream. We shared it together, didn't we? The taste on my lips is sweet and salty. It was your favorite, wasn't it? We'd always ... we always shared it. I remember this. I think. It was always the two of us. On the clock tower in the eve of dusk. I can hear your laugh, far and pulling away from me into the darkness that stretches beyond us. Smiles, so many smiles. I tease you. You smile. I crack a joke. You smile. You smile, you smile, you smile. The clock tower spins wildly. XIII. All the numbers are XIII.

The entire town has gone stagnant when I arrive again. You're no longer the person I knew. I can hear the hesitance in your voice, but I hold out. Feeling emotion again? Am I? I _hope _… or is it some type of obscured logic? Perhaps, you do remember me. I am bound, screaming out into the silence that encompasses my entire being. You don't remember. When you do, it's too late. I've already fallen, fallen further than I thought possible.

XIII. XIII. xiii. xiii. 13. 13. No. XIII. No. 13.

WINNER. At the end of it all, who was the winner?

Break my spine, spill my blood. Taste of silver, glinting on your tongue. Dark flames engulf my body. Is it possible to break something that doesn't even exist? What is it? What is it? Yellow. Blue. Green. Red. Clashing together to form … what was it again? Battling. I must fight you; it's my mission they tell me. But, I can't … I can't do it. This isn't reality. Is this reality? Am I even a part of this thing called reality? Or am I nothing but an imagined being who was too strong to fade away into the darkness? I will eventually fade away. Yellow. Blue. Yellow. Blue. Cloud the corners of my eyes, the edges of my conscious. Fire, diminished. Your light has never misled me. It won't, right? Follow it. Keep following it until I can't go any further.

The chains relax, fall from my skin and onto the floor soaked in my blood, my life force. The ever repetitive visions of gold ... yellow ... aureate. The dreams of blue, azure ... cobalt. They dissipate as I finally come out from underneath the water. My mind settles, the darkness leaves my body. Flames, flickering pieces of my memories come bubbling to the surface once again. My chest ... I can feel my heart again. The loud thumping against my rib cage, the blood rushing in my ears. The one thing that left me, the one thing that I was denied for so long.

It is done.

R—s. R—o—s. Rox—s. —xas. —oxas. R—as. —xs. as—Rox.

Roxas. Roxas. Roxas. Roxas. Roxas. Roxas. Roxas. Roxas. Roxas. Roxas. Roxas.

ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS. ROXAS.

**_Roxas._**


End file.
